So this is post no. 133

Where do I start?

Looking back at the previous posts. It was all bunch of blatant bull crap, and it makes me wonder why Sharon still comes here! HAHA

Just a little update of myself from my previous post. I left Mattel in Feb 2010 and joined P&G the next month. Future looked pretty bright and felt the money was pretty good. Now, I'm not so sure. Money is not the motivation anymore.

Other than work, life has been pretty routine. There has been ups and downs. Mostly downs, especially for the past 6 months.

Can't really think of any upsides. Is it because we recall the downs more often than not so we learn from the mistakes? Do we make mistakes once and learn from it? Not exactly for me. I've made the same mistakes not once, not twice, but 3 times. The 'should haves', 'what-ifs', 'could haves', and of course, 'shouldn't haves' spring to mind. What's done is done, it has happened.

When it happens, you don't want to believe it. You will not know you had the best until you lose them. It was ignorance, arrogance, being self-absorb and too comfortable. Sometimes, you need a big slap in the face and sends you all the way to kingdom come to wake up from all of these. The slap always come late no? For my case, 1 came 2 days late, the other came 3 months after. Now, its just a specific kind of nausea, regret, guilt and disbelief. The mix of emotions is just too great.

There is no back to square 1. Not for you, not for her, not for him, not for me.

The only thing left to do now is to apologize and let time slip by.

Cheers.

Why?

Wow, first post since dinosaur extinction!


Mistakes. People make mistakes right? I make a lot of mistakes. Mistakes that hurt, annoy, irritate, sadden, fucked up people's lifes. What I've done and what I've said, I've regretted it. I usually think again, "Why must I say that? Don't I have nicer things to say? Why is my stupidity always strikes at the wrong time?"

I tried to be careful everytime before I say these things which are mistakes. But somehow or rather, it happens once in a while. Well, I admit, I usually say things that make people angry. They get so angry that they usually sound me or fuck me upside down. That's when I start to think.

Do people say things that make me angry or annoyed or hurt? Of course they do. BUT, I don't take it seriously. It's not that I laugh it off or anything, but I think about what they've done, how long have we been friends. Is it worth to be angry or start a fight over some carelessness or misconception? Definitely not. So I just keep it and it will go off soon after. This is why.

Wow, emo giler WEH!

Ok, let's move on. I came back to Malacca from SG because I can't really adapt to that place. I don't know how to explain it, but I just don't feel that I belong there. I still have plans to have a career there, maybe later.

An advice from someone and I really appreciate it.

"If you want to succeed, you have to forgo your short-term goals, and aim for your long-term goals. If you do not achieve your long-term goal, when you're old, you're nobody".

But, if I don't have you, I'm nobody too. I love you.

The Butterfly Effect

I've just finished watching The Butterfly Effect, starring Ashton Kutcher. Yes, it's a 2004 movie which I haven't watch. I found it in a box of pirated DVD's which are mostly Grey's Anatomy, and Sex and The City.

It's a good movie. It's so good, it's being compared to The Sixth Sense. That's how good it is. Good movies, such as this, Gary might not understand.





Somehow, this movie makes me think. What would I do if I am able to read my journals and go back in time. Would I end up like the movie? Definitely not.

Because there's just too many good things which or whom I can't afford to let go. Maybe in some particular way, I'm being selfish. Who knows? How the people around me might end up if I were different.

There's just too many different endings. Would I even meet this cute little funny girl? Will I have befriended the most retarded gangs? Will I be here alone right now?

That movie got me thinking. Movies that make me think are good movies!

What if, I haven't watch this movie?

Change

Things change, people change, friends some stay, some go.

There are things which I never understood. Why do some people can't understand that's how life is? They want want to stay the same as if they are still 18.

Always looking back and questioning themselves, why their friends change and why the fuck they come back and won't fucking spend time with me.

They feel sad when their friends change
They feel sad when their friends turn their back on them and started hanging out with their kryptonite

Is it worth it to feel sad over things like these? Somehow, their friends who have been supporting them all these while, backing them up in whatever circumstances, are being blamed, left behind, because the other person who couldn't accept the changes, tried too hard to make things work.

just a thought. Good Night everyone. I love you

Lies

lie - a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood.

so there are many kinds of lie. some are for the good of everyone, some for yourself, and some are bad for yourself and everyone else. and the worst lie would be lieing to yourself in my personal opinion. however, some people can't tell a lie, some people just don't know how to tell the truth, and there are some who can't even differentiate between those 2.

so why tell a lie? is it because u have to lie? to make someone else feel better? or is it to make yourself feel better. i wouldn't say i have never told lies. i admit i tell tonnes and tonnes of lies, to other people as well as myself. and most of it is for my own good, my own comfort. but those are lies which don't hurt people's feelings. but it's still a lie right? hm

how long must i wait for u?

and the last person u should never lie to are your parents! Heck, they will be able to detect it like as though they are some kind of super lie detector device used by the Hollywood movie makers! and also your really good friends. or boyfriends, or girlfriends, even if that is to make them feel better.

just tell them the truth, what you've done, what u gonna do, what u think, and why u lied. they will definitely understand ur situation and why u resort to lieing in the first place. though somethings are better left unknown.

p.s : i don't really know what i'm saying up there. i hope u understand..heh!