So this is post no. 133

Where do I start?

Looking back at the previous posts. It was all bunch of blatant bull crap, and it makes me wonder why Sharon still comes here! HAHA

Just a little update of myself from my previous post. I left Mattel in Feb 2010 and joined P&G the next month. Future looked pretty bright and felt the money was pretty good. Now, I'm not so sure. Money is not the motivation anymore.

Other than work, life has been pretty routine. There has been ups and downs. Mostly downs, especially for the past 6 months.

Can't really think of any upsides. Is it because we recall the downs more often than not so we learn from the mistakes? Do we make mistakes once and learn from it? Not exactly for me. I've made the same mistakes not once, not twice, but 3 times. The 'should haves', 'what-ifs', 'could haves', and of course, 'shouldn't haves' spring to mind. What's done is done, it has happened.

When it happens, you don't want to believe it. You will not know you had the best until you lose them. It was ignorance, arrogance, being self-absorb and too comfortable. Sometimes, you need a big slap in the face and sends you all the way to kingdom come to wake up from all of these. The slap always come late no? For my case, 1 came 2 days late, the other came 3 months after. Now, its just a specific kind of nausea, regret, guilt and disbelief. The mix of emotions is just too great.

There is no back to square 1. Not for you, not for her, not for him, not for me.

The only thing left to do now is to apologize and let time slip by.

Cheers.

i need this

i really hope i don't need this, and i do feel like this girl who made this.

edit:

i tried to go to sleep. but i can't. seems like i have already developed a sleeping habit. or is it that this song kept playing in my damn mind and kept thinking of every single thing that i could've done to prevent this from happening.

well, i think most of u have gone through this and it's real funny and also weird when every single song that plays on the radio or in my car seems to somehow, someway, relates to whats happening now. doesn't matter if its jay chou's, or Late Night Alumni or even Guns N' Roses. emo ah?

yea i'm emo.
i've always told a friend that he needs to chill and not to feel like shit
i've always acted like i'm so strong in these kind of things
i've always acted that we were strong together
but its not. and yea i'm a fucking hypocrite you might say, aren't you one too?
i keep thinking of every possible reason why this happened
and i fully understand its not what i did wrong, its what i didnt do right
if given a chance, i'd do it all over again
i've already missed out so much of u only within 1 weekend


so, many people asked me why i started the blog knowing the fact that i'm lazy and i hate these trendy things. it's simply because i feel really sad and lonely. and yea i can also speak out those really nasty things such as why i hate glory hunters and why i love political conspiracies and why i hate so many other things. which usually i just keep them to myself.


AND also i've always feel that there not 1 but 2 tyler durdens in me. 1 asking me to do this and i agree. and for the next 20mins, i'll get another voice asking me to do the opposite which i'll agree. 1 asking me to give up and move on, the other one say i'll regret it for the rest of my fucking life, and later tells me that i'm strong enough. no, i'm not strong enough. and i know there's always a solution to all these and we cannot always find the easy way out.

so i'm now posting this listening to the 1st tyler durden i guess. i'm not sure. i'm not even sure what i wanted to say. there's just too damn much and i can't seem to put them nicely into paragraghs. they might take full control of me one fine day. NO! i wanna make my own decisions u morons!

ps : i love u

ps1: spoilt

ps2: don't need 1

psp: love to have 1

i'm still funny!

=D